The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize