what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
