Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Welp...herpes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
