We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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