What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
