In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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