I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
