I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
