I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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