Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize