mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
