Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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