Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
