GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
