if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
