i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
