I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
