Having a random hookup so left but love u
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
