You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
