just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
