I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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