I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
