Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
