pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
