6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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