No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
