Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
