I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
