So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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