My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
