I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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