he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
