How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
