It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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