I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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