I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
