Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
