I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
