I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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