hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
