Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
