he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
