Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
