this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
