I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
