He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
