just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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