so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
