someone get that fucking seahorse.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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