the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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