My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
