so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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