shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
