Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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