I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize