I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
