I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
