Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
