I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
