STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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