i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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