If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
