i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
