He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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