I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
