im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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