My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
