I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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