it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
