they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
