Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
